dip it in the milk

1:43am: ....


create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

and i promise you pictures so very soon....hope you kids are swell and in dreams....

12:56am: i have got some clothes, a walkman, and 2 tapes....
Seattle....i have got 9 hours....then i get to play in the rain....

3:46am: Is it normal for rest to only lie within the somber words written by my hand? Seems my only warmth anymore comes from the words sung by so many beautiful souls....surely remembering every moment breathe accompanies me, the words cutting through my cotton nit sweater....

i find no comfort really anymore....i find writing here far from it, even offensive to nature, in all righteous forms....but it entertains me in this sleepless hour....I wish i could be happy....i find myself often in a group of people, feeling lonelier than sleep in an empty bed....

who reads books anymore? or sleeps in a field with a guitar and baskit full of crappy food that is supposed to kill you at a youthful age? its as if i have lived before, and have come back....to an empty world....people strangers, that one could never talk to....

i dont have any real friends....they all left....they have something better to do, lives....or too busy being cool....i guess everyones supposed to be self centered....too bad for me....i could never understand that....



"i knew there I'd die alone
with no one to reach to
but a ghost came down
and brought me back to you

i'd rather leave this world forever
than let life go the way it's going

sing to me once more my love
words from your younger years"

3:32am: seperately
my friend....

how long did it take you to put your pants on in the morning....or in the night when you couldnt sleep....

how long did it take you before you could walk silently from the room aftr the careful selection of a shirt....

words somber and true....like that of an image unshaken from the mind, both in the consious and the sleep....unwilling to admitt....i ask, how long did it take you to sleep the pain away....

as for me, it seems the counting never ends....

9:09pm: slowly
the moonlight rains down upon the room in which i lay....radiant as i can remember....


...

12:27pm:

♥Miss jaime and ♥Mr dan

Will never conceive four malevolent children. Enjoy it when they cite romantic precedent sweetly. Make beautiful music together.

Orchestrated by ianiceboy

12:04am:

♥Le_verite and ♥Rachelcakes

Doing their best to have many magical children. Enjoy it when they share their hearts occasionally. Would volunteer to be the two responsible for re-populating the planet.

Orchestrated by ianiceboy

everybody showed up for my party, it was soo cool.

12:20am:

1:14am: This night, like any other....
I had a new picture of me. and my new hair. but i dont know how to post a picture, so....no picture. lonely. birthday coming. feeling bad. dont let this entry get you down. Im not dying or anything. just lonely, and lost in wonderment of things that make no sense to me. people, love, religion, animals, soda, holding hands (my favorite). You see, no one really does like someone like me. Sure they think im cool. but its the guy with the quick looks and engaging wordry. they are the ones who go to sleep with someones arms around them. you have to be that, or scene. and i know im right, because like every good theory, it holds true until proven wrong.


heres a good song Morrissey - Sea sick, yet still docked....



in other news, i broke a guitar string, and i have none to replace it. ill get a new one tomorrow, but i wanted to play tonight. Its raining, i like it. you know what i want for my birthday, to be held, and for it to mean something....

pshh....pipe dreams.....pipe dreams......


Love Always,
Admiral Ackbar Dan

6:13pm: .
ugh, my back hurts. looks like i have cancer.

This song reminded me of my life. Its by the red house painters. when i heard it i wanted to burry my face in my pillow and cry, only after dancing till i couldnt move anymore. And that, in fact, is what exactly what i did.

mother is cooking pigs in a blanket.




Hold me closer....dont ever let me be free....free from your skin....

2:15pm: Blue
Kind of bummed. Was stood up last night. what gets me isnt that i got stood up, although that in itself isnt fun, but that i expected it. The element of surprise is gone. So im not zealously angry or depressed. Just a little sad. Why are things always this way?

In other news, more cheery news, there are quitea few good shows coming up. I saw Sarah Nagy. She hugged me twice. made some music i liked for the first time with my brother. and im going to get some food and hope i dont feel sad all day....

Love Always,
Bogart the Roach

1:44am: Bells
I lied. That was not my last entry. Initially it was, be renewed interest in this site took place because of man named bob. poor soul, i felt bad, i read his recent entry. Love is the most irrational and beautiful thing, and i have not yet been able to grace the words for the life of me express how i feel. I know what he means. I was there. Strangely with the same person. Rachel. It wasnt until long ago i would constantly torment myself with the thought of her piercing unforgettable blue eyes. The shade of her pale skin and the way her cheeks would so lightly crease when she smiled. Her hands always a constant curiosity, covered in green paint and shades of graphite. Her clothes served as an everyday martyre for both her keen sense of bizarre fashion, and apathy towards the other kids 2 dimensional cookie cutter approach. She fit in perfectly in her world. Upon the time i had met her, i was freshly out of high school, and enjoying the freedom of not having any obligations but to my bed. with a near 15 hour sleeping schedule, it was hard to fit friends in. My best friend, a year behind me by school, but only months in age, had become friends with rachel among a few others. He beard the name Ryan F*****. Some night in late October or early November, i strolled outside to his whale like car, painted red, but showing its wear, and plopped my buns in the driver seat. Behind me there was a charismatic character whom i introduced myself to. This character responded warmly and kindly. This characters was Rachel M**** W*******. Not thinking much of it, i proceeded to exit the car and wander into the owner of the whales house. We conversed and as far as i can remember, had a pleasant evening.
It wouldnt be until a week or two later when i was invited along by Sir F****** to join him in a quest to his newly found friends house. I believe the girls name was Natalie. She too was quite freindly, especially to a stranger like me. In the room there was also the presence of a few others whos names i have since forgotton. Midway through our stay ryan and i went to retrieve some food. At that time we were for some sickly reason infatuated with the cancer causing taco bell. This would be where we went. Upon returning he was feeling slightly ill. Though i wouldnt blame taco bell for this, he decided to go home. I was at this point striking up a conversation with Miss Rachel. Given my situation, i decided to continue my conversation. Since Rachel and i were the only remaining guests and Natalie's house, we ventured outside onto a bench just outside the front door. in order, i was sitting closest to the wall. Next to me, Miss Rachel Williams. And of course, by process of elimination, Natalie on the opposite side of rachel. The evening was unnaturally cold, and as i sat growing ever colder, Rachel gave me her sweater. She appologized as for the zipper was broken, and i said its alright, and thanked her for her kind gesture. Asking once more if she wasnt cold be fore i slipped the sweater on, she insisted i wear it. at this time Natalie went to fetch some blankets so that we may all comfortably visit on the bench, upon her return i gave rachel her swaeter, and we had 2 blankets. The first a bright radient yellow in which me and rachel shared. The second a more patchwork type quilt for Natalie. Rachel scooted very closely to me, and i kind of had nervous feet. But we related on so may levels, talkingto hear was like reading my favorite book, or listing to my favorite song. the word words "felt right" would do no justice for how good it felt. I remember making her laugh, talking about paraketes, and this Alien Hobo with homosexual petifilic intentions named...well, he'll remain nameless. As the clock reached early morning, i had to soon be home for reasons i cant remember, and they had to be inside, as for i think they were already supposed to be. I complained jokingly about not wanting to move from the ideal and perfect position. Rachel said "here, take my jacket." and i ran to the car with her holding my hand. I offered her her jacket back and she said "you keep it, and that way, ill have to see you again to get it back." With butterflys in my stomach, i said thank you and goodnight, and we hugged. Starting my car felt like a chore, but i new bed was soon, so i had enough motivation to get home quickly. And this would be the first time Rachel and I had encountered each other on a friendship level.

I havnt an idea of how much i can type in this Journal, so as of this moment, im going to fast forward to now. 2:48am, wednesday, January 21st, 2004. I can remember everything. If you need more to this story because you for some strange reason read my journal, and i know you aliens are out there, becausae you leave me strange messages, the message me, and i jus might expand. But itll cost you 200 dollars. I have got school in 4 hours, so i am going to attempt at getting some rest.


Love Always,
Dan

3:11am: the end
Played some music with absiv. went out to his show after. he is in a band called pinback. was a small show at a venue called the hard to find showspace.

Im tired. This will be my last entry in this.

I want to dream forever. Forever sleep. A place where my skin, my blood, my bones....dont strangle or suffocate my fragile world with illness....pain....

I am going to reside in my cave, alone with my synth, my guitars, my amps, and my mixers....

Dont bother leaving me a message. I will not read them.

maybe ill see you in another world....or a moment that is not this....

goodbye.....

Love Always,
Dan

12:37am: Turkey and Cookies....

Richie:
A seemingly perfect Renaissance man, others don't
see the scared individual you are on the
inside. While people are drawn to you, you
still feel bitterly alone. Perhaps if you vent
some of your feelings, the other ones will
disappear.


What Royal Tenenbaums character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla







so im the guy who tried to kill his self....lol....i find that humorous....

odd quize. wasnt hard to find the pattern in that one....so took it honestly....surprised i got richie....most of my ansewers were all over....well, with in the top 4....some were in the bottom....I like old sad music....my favorite color out of the ones they gave me was blue....my real favorite color i dont know the name of....but it is somewhat blue.....its hard to describe....i most likely see myself wearing a fur coat....really long.....something warm....i would most likely oout of the phrases they gave me say " i cant stop thinking about her." im there often....i most likely would have a notepad in my pocket....and i forgot the other questions....


Saw Killing Joke....it was amazing....i tried describing it to my friends....but the words didnt come....they were in my brain....but stayed there...my voice failed me....Hung outside with the one and only's. Davis, rachel and bob....Good times... i was so out of it...i felt like i was boring them to death...but i enjoyed their company anyhow....watched Nightmare on Elm street pt 2. it was awsome. The Nightmare on Elm street movies are my favoite horror movies....and of course, dead alive :-) ....i think rachel and matthew are the only two people who sat throug thhat whole movie....ive watched it with many other people, and they all leave....usually when the grandma eats her ear...when the decaying liquid squirts into the fat mans pudding and he eats it. Not to rant on the girl thing, because its my least favorite thing to rant about....or at least to people....But it want someone to sit and watch horror movies with, and not be disgusted by it....but find it as humorous as I....maybe because i have a sickly mind....if people knew what i thought....i have some of the most violent thoughts....and i cant control them.....I think thats why i like nightmare on elm street....not to sound lame....but that crap seems so possible to me....and i thought that way before i saw those movies....even though i did see them when i was really young....i guess my imahgination is my world....and the world is hardly existant...the only times i remember it is when im forced to wonder its grounds....well, ive lost all direction of what im talking about, and when i go back and read this, ill feel illiterate, and stupid....



Happy Thanksgiving to all....
Love Dan

12:30am: Pulsecheck
Am i still alive?

2:12am: ..........
Fall away.....................

2:20am: oh the fall
My eyes were waking up, just to fall asleep.

I feel for you.

2:21am: An evening with Pearl Jam
I had one of the best nights ive ever had tonight. I saw pearl jam. This would be the first time i saw them since i lived in seattle. an entire acoustic set. then there were some people they had as guests. and guess who? Chris Cornell!!!!!! of soundgarden!!!! and the original pearl jam drummer, and matt cameron. all the members of Temple of Dog were there, and for those of you who dont know who that is, that was pearl jam and soundgarden before they were pealr jam or soundgarden. ok, im still finding it hard to breathe because of this show. ok. ill try to write it out as it happend.

Matthew and i got to the Santa Barbara bowl about 10 minutes to 7:00. I had spent 200 dollars on bidding for tickets. we were in the back spot last row, the furthest spot in the entire place from the stage. I didnt care, we were too excited about seeing them. and in a small venue no less. we got in about 7and i went to go get my shirt. there was only 1 kind, it was a benifit shirt for the show. i got my evening with pearl jam shirt "acoustic, and then some" and we made our way to our seats. right when we sit down the lights go out, and eddie vedder walks out on stage with matt, gossard, McCready, and Ament. Pearl Jam!! After the 3rd song ended which was Elderly Women, eddie said "good evening". From there he said something like "thank you for soming tonight, there is 2 reasons we came here tonight, most importantly to help rasie money for a foundation known as the (i cant remember the exact foundatrion) prostate cancer foundation. and its not only a good deed, but they are saving the lives of some frineds of ours, people, someone who would be hard to live without..for us...and also because wed never played santa barbara before. We have brought some of our friends along tonight to play with us." at that point everyone cheers. "beautiful place". from there they played an unreleased song that they have never played. then eddie vedder said "this song was just recorded a week ago today. it will be out in a movie tim burton made. he asked us if we could write a song for his movie, and so we able to write a song. its a father sone kind of song."

im getting tired of typing, so im going to get to the part where i couldnt breath. first ill mention one of the first guests was jack johnson. they played a johnny cash song. Gallohs (i dont know how to spell that.)

anyway, so eddie vedder toward the end of the first electric set, as for there was 4 encores, said "so now a freind of our is going to come out, and i still cant believe hes here, and i wont believe he is until i call his name and hes on stage. my freind, Chris Cornell."

I was screeming, it was Chris Cornell!!! This man is one of the few musicians and song writers who means more to me than any other. Soundgarden!!! Chris Cornell!!! He had his guild acoustic guitar he used. he played 2 songs of his, and then eddie came back on. they all playeda song of chris' and then eddie and chris walked off stage while cameron, gossard, and ament were still playing. Gossard had like a 5 miunte guitar solo. it was amazing. then while he was soloing, chris and eddie walk back onstage, and gossard, ament, matt finished the song. Eddie was sitting by Matt, besides the drums, and Chris started talking. he said "well, this is something i havnt done for, well, something like 11 years, maybe more." (he talked more, i cant remember what he said, i was too mesmerized by the fact that he was there.)at this moment all of the original members, the original band, temple of the dog were onstage....and then They played!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Temple of Dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
after 2 songs they walked off stage.....thinking it was over, some people were thinking of leaving, but i knew hey were coming back out. they came back out and played again!!!! and eddie played some remones songs... he said something like "well fininsh the night out with some remones tunes" becuase they had to be off by 10. well. 10:05 and they went off stage....i waited, becuase we were in the back anyway. then the lights went back out, and they came back out, all of them!!!!!!!! all the guests. oh ya, i forgot to menstion that the last few songs after temple of dog they had john frucante play with them. for those of you who dont know, hes the guitar plaer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. his hair is really long now. like it used to be. and also i forgot to mention another thing that made me hardly able to breathe, in the middle of the show, eddie vedder brought the original pealr jam drummer and he played a little....the original drummer!!!!!!!!!! so everyone was onstage at the end jamming, for like 20 minutes, lol, and finally at about 10:40, they waved goodbye, and for a final time, walked off the stage.afte the sho i met these cool guys and girls, they introduced themselves. they said they thought me and my brother were really cool, and they wantedto say hi. they were about 10 years older than us. we talked for a bit. then finally we realized the entire bowl was empty, and we said our goodbyes, and went home.....from there matthew and i listend to some pearl jam on the way home, and then soundgardedn, the ntire superunknown album. finishing off the night with some poisonous del taco. it was good. i took a show, made a huge glass of chocolate milk, and come on the computer. played diablo II for a bit. andi had to write about this night.

Well, sleep awaits me.........
Love ALways,
Daniel Stephen Strang

3:52am: divine disillusion
i have decided i dont like living. I have also decided im going to spend halloween singing songs in the cemetary for a while. besides, its their night anyway. after ill come home and watch some horror movies.

i have to go, trigun is on.

3:53am: ashes rain down from the black sky
i promised a lovely Catie id update this, so here i am. So this one goes out to Catie. the last few days have been sureal. the skys red and black, and ash raining constantly down on the earth. I spent much of this day sleeping. Visited the one and only Catie leahman just moments ago. I dont think ill ever be able to spell her name right. She needed ciggarettes really badly. I had some, so we put them to use. we talked on the porch. met this kid named Chris there. he was quiet somewhat, very nice. i was really tired, and so was she. she said she was dressed up as a ninja. it wa halarious. she had scrubs on with a long shirt with a muscle shirt over it. Classic Catie. after a bit we mutually decided to attempt some sleep. i gave Chris a ride home so he didnt have to walk. I try to help people in any way i can. odd considering im reclusive kind of. i wish i could sit and play music all day. Halloween nears. Fall is so beautiful. i was cooking some cinnamon toast upon coming home just before i typed this. its still sitting on the bed now. inoticed these small white roses my mom had downstairs. they were beautiful. I love roses. maybe someday ill have a huge garden in my castle.



Love Always
Dan

3:03am: Nothing but tired
My cousin even moves to England tomorrow. he is sta7ing with us this evening. him and i went out to dinner at toppers and talked for a long time. about life. music. days. memorys. it was wonferful. we spent some time after looking for a place that would sell deoderant because he needed some before he left. albertsons was closed, vons was closed, and on pur way out of the parking lot, ran into the davis. we talked for a while. it was good stuff. finally went home and talked more. just enjoyed these times. I hope to be moving to london soon as well. he said when i come i can stay with him. id feel bad just staying there, so id do my best to get my own place quickly. well, im tired, and i dont know what to type or where to start.



Love Always
Dan

3:27am: October
the weather this month has reminded me of some of the things i love....the first week of october was all cloudy. the wind blew. and it had that smell of fall. that hasnt happend in a while. partly because i live in california, and there is most likely a hole in the o zone. we cant rule out guthries science elusive bowel problems as a cause.

I havnt played my guitar in a while....i played for the first time today really. and not very long. ive been mostly writing....thinking....why i type in this thing is beyond me. i suppose its entertaining. i havnt even really used the internet much. ive just been working. eeking my way through school. and laying on my bed, dreaming about what i dream about....which is impossible to describe....maybe because they dont make sense....well, they do....but not in a way that any language could portray....

well, before i sound all the lamer, im going to stop typing...im too tired to be on the computer anywway....i ust want to sit and eat some cinnamon toast, drink my chocolate milk, and watch trigun and cowboy bebob....







Love Always,
Dan

12:06am:




Congratulations, you are Donnie Darko. You're not
afraid to speak what's on your mind and tell people what you're really thinking. You think about sex a lot and sometimes you wake up with your hands down your pants.

Tell the world (because people really care...) by copying and pasting the code below onto your website or LiveJournals.

1:28am: Itll take a while
I missed a show that i would have died to see....I spent saturday night crying in my room because i missed a band that has meant toi me as much as my life has. there was no way in my power to make it. no car, no ticket, and work. to boot i was the only person closing saturday, sothere was no way i could just not go. I want to die....

Sadder still, i know theres no one out there who even cares about this....where is someone to care when i need it....or even when i dont.....

....Why do we try when it always ends up the same....

8:01pm: Quickman
Had Alamo today. It was very enjoyable. Played music, read, had some conversations with the parent figures. Usually rare. But it was very entertaining. Spent a long time looking for this song i used to listen to as a kid. Never found it. Sometimes while im laying in bed ill think of it, but ive never found it. the music is firmly planted in my head. but thats all. drew a really gay picture today. its already 8. i feel like ive been up for an hour. then again, i layed on my bed for an unknown amount of time listening to music....

I lovew sitting, watching movies with no sound, and writing music.....